It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
