if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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