Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
