Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
