Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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