I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
