so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
