Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Shame - the story of my life.
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