I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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