There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
