So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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