i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
