corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
