I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
