Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize