Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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