Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need moral support for this bender
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
