This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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