Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
