check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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