I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize