You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
