you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
