all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
