Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
