I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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