Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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