I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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