I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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