I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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