The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
