i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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