Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
