Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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