its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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