Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
