Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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