he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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