If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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