I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
