omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
