Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
