I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
where am i from again
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
