I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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