Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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