You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
