Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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