It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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