Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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