I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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