There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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