There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize