I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
