Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
