im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
