You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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