you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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