At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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