I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
