apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
