i was born a porn star she said
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
