Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
